Chapter 149

Richie and Linda stood together on the balcony until the chill began to creep through the blanket, finally driving them indoors and back to the comfort of the bed. They huddled together under the blanket, foreheads touching as they spoke in soft voices, making plans for the next day and beyond. Sleep crept gradually over them both, and they fell asleep while they were still whispering to each other, darkness overtaking them at almost the same moment. Neither of them was even aware of the slow opening of the bedroom door, and the succession of silent furry bodies that joined them on the bed, curling up at their feet.


Across the country, Sara and Jon were luxuriating in the bath, the air in the room perfumed with spice from a scented oil Sara had picked up during their walk. Sara was curled happily in Jon’s lap, his arms tight around her as they sat together peacefully, only the muted rumble of the bath jets disturbing the silence. They sat so long that the jets timed out, the water swiftly becoming still around them, and they reluctantly had to admit that the water was now too cool to be comfortable. Climbing out of the tub, Jon pulled on a robe and wrapped the other snugly around Sara, then surprised her by lifting her in his arms, carrying her as easily as he did Romeo, across to lay her on his bed.

He laid her down gently on the mattress, the cover already flipped open in readiness, then he lay down close beside her, both of them still wrapped in their soft robes. Sara leaned forward a little, kissing Jon softly, and he smiled as he stroked her back, propping himself on one elbow to look down on her.

“You were so great with the kids.” He murmured softly. “Romeo loves you.”

“He’s cute.” Sara smiled. “They all are, but he’s gorgeous!”

“I can’t wait to see you with a baby of your own.” Jon admitted. He was so wrapped up in his mental picture of that scene, he didn’t notice Sara stiffen under his touch, and he continued with his thought. “You’ll make such a great mommy.”

“No, I won’t.” Sara said firmly, lying rigid beside Jon, not looking at him.

“You……..huh?” Jon looked down at her, finally noticing how tensely she lay. “Oh, shit, darlin’. I’m sorry. Can’t…….can’t you have kids? I never really thought about it before, but you’ve never bothered about us using anything……I just never thought….”

Sara rolled onto her back, looking up at him, not entirely comfortable talking about this kind of thing, but pressing ahead.

“It’s not that. I can have kids. Well, I assume I can. I just don’t want any. Never have.” She flushed slightly, but ploughed ahead, quashing her embarrassment at the subject matter. “And I’ve never bothered about using anything because I’ve been on birth control pills for years - it was just easier when I was working so much - I never had to worry about………about when my period was due………just keep taking the pills.”

Jon sat up now, leaning on the headboard as he looked at her, confusion on his face.

“But……….but now? Now that we’re together……….doesn’t that change things?”

“Well, yes, it changes things. It changes a lot of things.” Sara sat up, too, kneeling on the bed facing Jon. “But I still don’t want kids, Jon.”

She was starting to get angry. This was one of the few subjects that could move her to anger very quickly. For so many years, people - friends, family - had told her that she’d change her mind ‘when she met somebody special’, but Sara had always disagreed. Even now, as deeply as she was in love with Jon, she still felt no desire to have children, and couldn’t ever imagine wanting to.

“Anyway,” she continued, “you have four children already, Jon. Isn’t that enough for anybody?”

“I just……….I love you, Sara, and I’d love us to have a family of our own……. I can’t believe you’re so against the idea…….. I know I have four kids already, but I would like more, and I’d like them with you. I mean, I can see why, before, you’d have decided you didn’t mind not having kids, but surely now……..”

Sara stared at him. “What? Now that I’ve finally found somebody I can get on with having babies? Jon - it’s not like I became resigned to not having kids because I was still……still a virgin. I don’t want kids.” She looked at him sadly. “And I guess you do.”

“Can’t we even talk about this?” Jon asked, and at that Sara climbed off the bed, crossing to where her clothes were piled on a chair.

“We are talking about it.” She said as she stepped into her jeans, yanking the denim up with unnecessary force before searching out her boots. “I have to go.” She muttered.

“Sar, don’t go. Not like this, baby. Please…….talk to me…….”

“I am talking to you. I’m telling you flat out what I want, or rather what I don’t want. Just sounds like it’s not what you want to hear, so you won’t listen.”

“Baby - it’s not like you’re the first woman who doesn’t want kids.” Jon said, climbing off the bed to walk over to her. “Hell, at first Dot…….”

He looked surprised when Sara raised a hand, cutting him off peremptorily. “Don’t - do NOT - equate me with her, Jon. At least I have the courage to tell you up front. Wouldn’t you rather I did that - tell you honestly that I don’t want kids, rather than…….”

Sara cut herself off before she said too much, trying to step around Jon, but he moved to block her, brow furrowed at her last statement.

“Rather than what?”

“Nothing.” Sara muttered, getting past Jon and heading for the door, stopping suddenly as Jon grabbed her wrist.

“Talk to me, dammit!” Jon’s own temper was flaring up, and he couldn’t stop it, even when he saw the hint of fear in Sara’s eyes, almost masked by her own anger.

“No. It’s none of my business. Let go of me, Jon.”

He pulled her toward him, still gripping her wrist hard. “What’s none of your business? Dot? What’s going on? Dot wanted the kids as much as I did.”

Sara wrenched herself free, the anger finally getting the better of her as she spat back at Jon. “Really? So why did she have an abo………” As Jon’s eyes widened, Sara paled, realising what she’d almost said - said enough of anyway. “I have to go!”

She grabbed her bag and virtually ran for the door, hating herself for hurting him that way, unable to bear the look in his eyes as he stood there in the bedroom, hurt and confused, unsure whether to believe her or not. Sara didn’t even wait for the elevator, but took the fire stairs, just wanting to be out of the building as quickly as possible, still angry at Jon for not understanding her feelings, but despising herself for what she’d just done in the heat of the moment. As the heavy fire door closed on the floor above, she heard Jon yelling her name, but she kept going, running down the stairs, fighting to keep her balance as her foot slipped, but not slowing until she hit the lobby. The doorman looked a little surprised to see her emerge from the stairwell, but Sara just kept her head down and left the building without a word.


Upstairs, in the apartment, Jon was sitting on the edge of the bed, his mind racing over what Sara had said. Well, almost said, but said enough for him to get what she meant. Dot had a abortion? When? She wouldn’t, right? He knew her too well - he’d have known.

“Yeah - like you knew she was cheating.” He reminded himself, talking aloud in the empty room.

Okay, so assuming for a second it was true, how the hell would Sara know something like that? Not likely that Dot would tell her, and Sara hadn’t spoken to anybody else who’d know…….

“Oh, fuck. Mom.” Jon groaned, remembering Sara’s shell-shocked expression after she’d been talking with his mom out in Florida. Maybe it was true.

He looked at the clock - too late now to call Dot, to ask her. Not that he gave a shit about waking her, but the kids were a different matter. Of course, thinking of the kids brought him right back to what had started this whole fight with Sara. Groaning, Jon threw himself violently back onto the bed, covering his eyes with a forearm as he tried to figure out what - if anything - he should do. His gut feeling was to let Sara cool off for a few hours, then call her in the morning, before he headed out to his meeting with Ken about the second line of JBJ limited jackets, due out soon.


Sara made her way home by subway and bus, walking the final stretch to her house, trying to figure out what to do. She knew she’d hurt Jon, but if he did want more children, then maybe she just wasn’t the person he needed, because she couldn’t ever imagine being a mom. Playing step-mom to Jon’s kids was scary enough, but at least they went back to Dot - she couldn’t think of anything worse for her than being a full-time mommy, with all the responsibilities that entailed.

Locking the front door behind her, she gathered up the mail, looked at a couple of envelopes then sighed and dumped the lot on the hall table, heading for bed. She’d sleep on it, and call Jon in the morning. Maybe.